-The behavior increases over time
-The behavior is self destructive
-The behavior causes harms to others
-The behavior is used to alter moods
-The behavior is just a quick empty high
An addiction is behavior a person cannot control that leads to harmful consequences. The behavior could be related to substances, such as: alcohol, drugs or food. Or it could be activity-related, involving, for example: sex, sleep, exercise, or work. Addictions like smoking, drug abuse or alcoholism must be stopped completely to be overcome. Other addictions should be controlled rather than stopped. For instance, overeating is handled by controlling one's eating - not by starvation. One does not truly overcome a sexual addiction by resorting to celibacy. Sexual addiction is overcome by dealing with the underlying problems that lead to addictive sexual behavior, thus enabling the client to have an enjoyable rather than an addictive sex life.
If a person engages in compulsive behavior which is not harmful, the behavior is not addictive. For instance, if you must have something to read while waiting in the doctor's office, that is not addictive. But if you compulsively read rather than face the problems in your life, you are addicted to reading. If you enjoy sex, it does not mean you're addicted. If, however, your sexual activity hinders your relationships, keeps you from forming a long-term, honest, loving relationship, or compels you to be deceptive, you are definitely addicted.
You can tell if your behavior is out of control by observing if you can keep it from becoming harmful. Eating is not harmful and should be enjoyable. But if you cannot stop eating before it becomes a negative force in your life, then you are out of control. Having an intense sexual appetite is not addictive. If satisfying your sexual needs brings you and your partner closer together, then you're not addicted. If your sexual needs lead you to promiscuity, distant relationships, pedophilia, short-term flings, compulsive masturbation or a dependency on pornography, you're out of control.